


Pangs

by Kojont



Category: Original Work
Genre: Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Power Imbalance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-09 16:33:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20997908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kojont/pseuds/Kojont
Summary: Short story about control





	Pangs

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working with my last years nanowrimo project for months now. I just wanted to write something else for a few minutes. This is what came out today.

He ordered a steak with pan fried potatoes. I watched the potatoes glisten with grease as they slid across his plate. There were some veggies there too, but he ignored them. Beside his plate there was a large pint of beer, a small bread basket and I was sure there would be dessert too, once he finished. For him, of course, not for me. Never for me. I stared at my green salad, poked it with a fork and took a sip from the iced green tea. He kept going on about his day and his work and I kept nodding, like it was something I was interested at.

I ate slowly and was still finishing my salad, when he ordered the dessert; double-sized piece of brownie with vanilla ice cream and berry compote. I bit back the bile and venom that my envy piled in my mouth. I watched his double chin wobble as he stuffed in the brownie, barely even tasting it.

As we sat into the taxi and headed to the club, I felt a gnaw in my stomach. I didn’t register it as a real hunger, it was just the constant reminder my body gave all the time. The hunger would set in later in the evening and only when I fell asleep it went away for a bit.

His friends were there at the club as usual; men in suits, with pretty, young girls by their side. Instantly I started to measure them with my eyes, not even thinking about it. Whose face had gotten wider? Whose thighs were bigger than mine? Did my wrists look as fragile as theirs? My thoughts stopped as one of the men stood up and asked about our drinks. He took a whisky. The man looked at me and I opened my mouth.

“Jesus, nothing for him. We just ate”, he said with a dry laugh and then glanced at me. “Or? Would you like something? Water?”

Water. Fucking water. Always just water. I bit back the urge to snap at him, tell him that I wasn’t a fucking house plant. But of course, I didn’t. I smiled. “Sparkling?” I suggested.

He cringed. “The gas will make you bloated. Regular’s fine”, he said to the man. I shared a look with the man, before he left. He came back shortly with the drinks and my tap water. Jesus, what a night. I toasted with the others. The girls had long and colourful drinks with small umbrellas. Those bitches.

We stumbled back at about three in the morning. Or should I say; he stumbled and I did my best to keep his whale-like frame upright. He was properly wasted and had been all over me in the taxi. Even now, as I tried to get his front door open, he kept giving me these sloppy, drunken kisses which I couldn’t completely avoid.

“Jesus you look beautiful…” he moaned and breathed vile fumes right on to my face. I smiled at him patiently and wrestled to get the door open. Once I did, we stumbled in and just as I got the door closed, he was on me. He hoisted me up from my thighs and slammed me against the door, kissing and grinding me, telling me how beautiful I had looked the whole night. I wasn’t into it, like I usually wasn’t, but I still wrapped my arms around him and returned his kisses. That was the deal. He took care of the money and I took care of his needs. And since I didn’t pay for anything, I didn’t have a say in anything. It wasn’t the life I had dreamed about, but it wasn’t like I had any real options. Alone, I’d be on the streets in a second and it wouldn’t be any different then.

My clothes were scattered along the route to the bedroom, my collar bones were slick with his saliva. As he pushed me to the bed, I stretched my arms up above my head and curved my spine up, just the way I knew he liked. His gaze got darker and his breathing heavier as he placed his palm against my ribs.

“If you only knew, how hot you look…” he muttered and I smiled and stretched myself even longer, even thinner. His hot mouth was on my stomach and on my sides, the tongue tracing the edges of my ribs. He got just a few thrusts in, before he already came, heaving and panting like a dying sea lion. I stared at the ceiling and didn’t even bother finishing myself off. I hadn’t been hard for weeks anyways. He didn’t seem to even notice.

Once he started snoring, I got up as quietly as I could. I searched his pants from the floor and took out his keys. I wrapped my fist around the keys, so they didn’t make a sound as I tiptoed my way to the kitchen. I glanced at the fridge with its pin coded lock and tried not to think about all the food that was in there. Instead I took one of the keys and opened the cupboard next to the fridge. The lock let out a quiet click, but as I waited, the snoring continued from the bedroom. I ignored the candy bars and anything canned, since I knew he counted those. I took out a pack of bread and took out two slices from the middle of the loaf, where the sizes were equal and missing slices were impossible to notice. I stuffed the bread into my mouth and reached for the pack of cereals. Taking just a nib of everything, I collected myself a small meal; a handful of cereals, three small pretzels, two chocolate chip cookies, a taco shell and a small handful of nuts. Listening to the snoring, I ate my meal slowly, savouring the different tastes.

After returning the keys, I brushed my teeth twice to get rid of any smells and went to bed. His lump of an arm wrapped around me and pulled me against his hot skin.


End file.
